A Big Brother With a Big Heart

One thing was clear the day Kaylee was born. Nate was finally a big brother. He was proud. He wore   the title proudly. He loved being Drew’s little brother but I think Nate   really loved being a big brother. It gave him a sense of control. It gave him   the role of being a caretaker. He was always Daddy’s helper, but when Kaylee   was born, he took on the role of Mommy’s Helper. Nate always had a soft spot   for babies. Maybe because he had a heart full of love or maybe because he   knew he was older and felt he had authority… probably both…, but as wild as Nate was he would stop and acknowledge a baby in awe. He was in awe of Kaylee from the day she was born. When I delivered Nate December 23rd, I was insistent on getting home to Drew as quickly as   possible. Drew needed his mommy home and I needed my family complete for   Christmas. As with Nate’s delivery I chose the same route after having   Kaylee. Some mothers like the quiet time in the hospital. I liked the chaos   of my house. I came home from hospital 24 hours after having Kaylee as well   to be with my boys. I was in love with a beautiful baby girl but my heart was   at home with my boys. They were my world. At home is where my family would be complete. Our first night home I spent in my cozy green rocking recliner that so comfortably took me through   three pregnancies and months of nightly nursing for 3 babies. Nate ventured downstairs at some wee hour that first night home with Kaylee and he climbed   right into that green recliner with Kaylee and I. He snuggled into me then   wrapped an arm right over top of Kaylee as if he was caring for her too. He   laid there with me for hours that night. He watched Kaylee sleep, and eat,   and then eventually fell asleep in the chair with us too. He filled my heart   with so much love. You know how there are some moments that can be ingrained   in your brain as a picture forever… This was one of those moments. Drew was   his best buddy. Daddy was his hero. Mommy was his love. Kaylee was his heart.   His love for her was clear from the moment he laid eyes on her. I knew that   night he was going to have a heart so big and love that baby girl!
Nate holding Kaylee

Nate just watching   Kaylee in awe. A moment captured in time.

Nate spent countless  mornings under a pink cupcake blanket snuggling with his sister, he helped   change her diapers, he and Drew tucked her into bed each night, he was always   so mindful of her feelings. She often demanded him to do what she wanted. As   tough as Nate was…. He wasn’t with Kaylee. He did as she said. She would   drag him across a room by his shirt and he listened to her. Those who know   Nate will know that he didn’t like being told what to do… But what Kaylee   wanted Kaylee got when it came to Nate. He played with her kitchen set   proudly. He pushed the pink shopping cart with a smile. He rode in her pink   coupe car without a care in the world. Did he love her toys? Yes, he did. But he loved playing with her with the toys more.
Nate riding with Kaylee in her pink car
Nate reading toy   magazines to “sissy”

As I think of Nate in heaven it brings me comfort to know he will always be her angel. He will always be watching over her. There is a hole in my heart that hurts so bad to   think that Kaylee will not remember how much Nate loved her. But I promise   you Kaylee that I will make sure I do everything I can to tell you how much   your brother loved you. I’m going to make a picture book of the hundreds of   pictures I have of him holding you and snuggling with you. I’m going to tell   you about how big his heart was under that tough exterior. I’m going to teach   you how to love like he did. Your daddy and I will continue to teach you and Drew how to BE GREAT. Anyone who knows Kaylee knows that she is so much like Nate.  She reminds us of him daily.  She is full of life, loves to be outside, can throw a tantrum that may just beat his, can give a scowl look that burns, but can smile and laugh and light up a room with joy.  Kaylee, God gave you to us with a touch of Nate’s soul.  Kaylee Grace…  you are our Saving Grace.

With Love,



Taking care of his sissy at Hershey Park


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